Elmer Fudd and the javelinas

By Jeffrey Swango

First, let me preface with the following: I am a native, 45-year-old, gun owning Tucsonan and a resident near the area in question. I find it ironic how folks clamor to see wildlife and then call in Special Ops when it becomes inconvenient or what they define as ‘out of hand’.

Considering the amount of the anti-gun, conservative bashing diatribe in this city, where are the liberals screaming about discharging weapons within city limits? What about the potential for collateral damage, and the fact that someone’s Pomeranian might wind up as a throw rug? Since the city is forever scrounging for another buck, how about charging the state a permit fee for the privilege of hunting in a private neighborhood? Ah, tis good to be king as the sound of crickets continues.

AZFG has within its credo ‘Managing Today for Wildlife Tomorrow’…… really? How about ‘Killing Today for a Wildlife and Problem Free Tomorrow’? Seems the experts have been more than a little trigger happy in the last few years. Every summer, another death list is drawn up so the special ops division of AZFG can feel manly and Richy Rich Resident can feel safe from nature’s onslaught. Is this what they have been teaching in Wildlife Management School, a variation of shoot, shovel and shut up? At the very least, our overseers can claim victory over the Javelina version of Al Qaida.

Anyone looked into more of the details of this case? Perhaps the victim(s) got between a mom and baby, or they thought the dog was a coyote, a known predator of their young. Having lived here all my life, I have never, and I mean never, encountered a Javelina inclined to chase someone. If cornered or with young, I have seen them stamp the ground, give a warning with clicking teeth, or give a huffing sound. Most of the time, when seen, they cannot wait to exit the area fast enough, and you’re left watching the south end of a Peccary going north. If, on the other hand, they stand their ground, then maybe it’s time for you to move.

The thought of an entire herd chasing down helpless townsfolk while they resort to “items like canes to fight them off”  sounds like something out of a bad cartoon and is just a little too much to buy into as the official excuse given for the upcoming  executions. Somewhere, at this very moment, a Javelina gang wearing hoodies and carrying clubs could be plotting revenge.

Mark Hart notes that ‘relocating the Javelinas to a wilderness area would be likely to put their survival in jeopardy’. Well, and this just in, so is filling them with lead. Does anyone at the government level see the complete absence of any logic here? They could die out there, they will definitely die here. At least they might have a chance at survival somewhere else.

Our self-appointed expert goes on, ‘….the animals are accustomed to consuming garbage in an urban area and might not adapt to finding food sources in a wild environment.’  Wait sports-fans – it’s another swing and a miss.

Sure, they might not, but then again they just might be smarter than you think and find plenty of alternative food sources depending on where they are placed. They have had thousands of years of evolution hard wired into their DNA and know how to find food. These critters can smell water a mile away; none of us can. The main point being that a chance, no matter how small, is better than nothing at all.

Here’s a thought for the pampered, ‘not in my neighborhood,’ residents – carry a can of pepper spray. Be responsible, think ahead, be realistic and situationally aware; know your surroundings and take your alert pills. Regardless, a few more details would seem in order before the guided missiles and air strikes are called up.

To those in the ‘outlying’ areas around Tucson, you elected to move here, purely your choice, and the desert has been a well-known habitat for these animals for centuries.  And for those terrified of actual genuine wildlife in the city –  why is it such a mind altering surprise that wildlife will seek food and water in what used to be their home? Residents who encourage it further by setting out a banquet are especially culpable, so call the eventual outcome a logical consequence. Why should the animals pay for your irresponsible behavior?

Meanwhile, the wannabe black-ops AZGF ‘experts’ had better stock up on ammo to ‘take care’ of the coyotes, red tail hawks, rattlesnakes, and bobcats. God forbid they might just become ‘aggressive’. Wow, no wonder they call it Wildlife, it bites back. Hey, come to think of it the bats under the bridges are wild, too. What if they have rabies? Lock and load, Baby! There’s some killin’ to do! We simply cannot have animals acting like, well, animals. It’s all so very beastly.

The newly arrived that continue to move here and drain down the remaining water table are not going to find downtown Manhattan, and no, it is certainly not a carefully groomed Zen garden. Holy cactus, Batman – could it be, why yes – it is a desert composed of a great deal of publicly owned land that is…..gasp, undeveloped! Don’t look now, but there are scary animals out there, have been for eons. Learn to adapt. It cannot all be manicured and air conditioned for your comfort, and you are not always at the top of the food chain.

To the point of what we as a society have become in the larger sense, the pioneers would be on the floor laughing if it wasn’t all so pathetically sad. Just now on the radio, it has been reported that seven of these animals have been shot and killed. Do you all feel proud now? Shame on AZGF as they have strayed far from their stated mission and become a para-military organization bent on thrill kills rather than preservation. By all means, take the cheap and easy way out every time. Who or what is next on the list?

J.D.Swango (spokesman for the JRM – Javelina Resistance Movement)

Tucson Arizona

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